Today I've woken up in the foulest of foul moods. Don't ask me why. I'm not sure. There are various reasons I could offer myself. Hormones are quite likely given my age and the fact that I'm on day 55 of my current cycle. Also the fact that my bloke phoned last night to say he had to work late and I was really peed off with this on a Friday night, having bought nice dinner etc. Got up today at 5.45 to the housework and the same old same old. Can't even be bothered to go to yoga . Just want to cry really.
I hesitate to type this as I feel dark moods are so much more personal than the usual lalala isn't everything just great Pollyannaish crap that I generally come out with. Also because I am aware how selfish I am being. I don't want for anything material. I am lucky, lucky, lucky compared with so many.
But happiness does not itself spring from lack of want. I know I'm yearing for true meaning and real communication. Some of my friends find this in their crackpot religions (read all of them here). I wish I could, but unfortunately I can't take that massive leap of faith without feeling that I'm conning myself.
Heyho - I will post this anyway. A bit of light and shade is essential in a life and so too a blog.
My plan for now - hub and boy are going to football. I am going to have a run, maybe do a bit of gardening, and make a plan to give myself a boost out of the oridinary for the forthcoming week.
Will keep myself posted :)
and give myself a kick up the arse.
No comments:
Post a Comment