This week I heard that a friend had passed away at the weekend. Almost exactly 2 years since she failed to turn up to work, having blanked out while driving in. She was taken to hospital where it was discovered she had an advanced cancer of the lungs and a secondary brain tumour. The night before she had left for home as usual, joking about her plans for the evening, seemingly without a care.
She was 50.
It's fair to say it has hit me.
She was a work colleague who I encountered when starting back to my first new job after becoming a mum. Being a nervous returner, I was in a role that punched well below my weight. Yet she saw potential in me and was friendly and encouraging. It would be true to say that I hold the enjoyable job I have now in large part thanks to her. She was generous in her willingness to share knowledge, intelligent, humorous, warm and approachable. She liked the film "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"; had a passionate interest in astral photography and loved gardening.
Because I inherited her working notebooks, I have found myself happening upon little gems of wisdom in her large, loopy handwriting. I pulled a database report today and found her name at the top of the list, 2 years after she went off sick. She is still present in the mundaneness of the everyday despite her passing.
Perhaps not surprisingly, this has imbued me with a renewed imperative to seize the day, enjoy life, try everything I want to try, now, not later. To love my loved ones with the passionate urgency that I feel, to show them and tell them, to be a bit less English about it all.....
It has also however, made me wonder how people will remember me when I die. I didn't know this lady especially well, but I still remember her with great affection and a certainty that the world was a better place because she was in it. I hope I can bear that legacy for others when I finally pop my clogs.
It's funny how a piece of music sometimes entwines itself into your particular mood and remains inextricably linked.
When I first heard that she was ill, this came on my ipod shortly after. It's somewhat mystical and a bit odd, but it still seems a fit.
"The Hymn to Her" by The Pretenders is my memorial to my friend.
Goodbye my dear wherever you are now. Blessings, gratitude and love. x
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