Lent Intent

Well, Lent has started and for the first time in many years I am minded to mark it.  

To this effect I signed up for early Sunday morning yoga classes for the duration.   I figure this to be a good combination of sacrifice and praxis.  I forego my, frankly essential and  much anticipated Sunday lie-in to engage my body and nourish my soul.  It is both an act of relinquishing and an act of undertaking.  Hoorah!

I'm really looking forward to it. I have buy in from my hub, who will in turn get to watch the footie on a Sunday afternoon, while I overcompensate by donning  a knights costume and wielding a sword in Narnia play with the boy.

But it isn't the whole story.  The driver in this, is not the yoga -- not really.

No, the prime motivator is the fact that I want to stop drinking wine on a Saturday night, and if I have to rise early on Sunday to exercise there will be less inclination to do this.

There -- said it -- now PHEW!!!

I don't even habitually drink a lot.  Half of a bottle of wine shared with my hub to mark a Friday and Saturday night isn't that excessive I feel. It's just, lately I've found myself looking forward to it a bit too much.  What's more I've been throwing a casual G & T into the mix and this, dear reader, has started to scare me.

If it were just me, or just me and hub, I would quite honestly not be giving this a second thought. I'm not endangering myself particularly or anyone else, or doing any harm, so what?

But it isn't just me any more.

My own parents were problem drinkers.
I know from experience that the impact of this on a child, of any age, is profoundly painful. Even now, at 45 I can't fully examine these feelings without fear that the walls will cave in.  Some day I hope I will be able to from a safe place.

For now, it is enough however, to ensure my son never, ever,  has to confront this particular issue.

I'm using  Lent therefore, to break a habit that isn't currently harmful, but that has future potential to harm.  Because make no mistake, a self-harming parent harms their child by default.  The more the child loves the parent, the worse it is.

Of the several achievements of which I am proud in my life, becoming  a mother is without question the most sublime.  Writing this, I realise that there was a long time when I thought and feared it wouldn't happen and now with the benefit of hindsight I know what I would have been missing.

Every day, I'm reminded of the privilege that it is to parent and I want to be the best mummy that I can possibly be.  

That's all!